A welcoming home

I preface my post with this today: this is my blog and these are my opinions and thoughts.

I've been fooled and super discouraged this last year. Maybe the last 2 years. I have bought into the lie that I am not capable. I get it, it's the new trend to be the "sticky floor" mom. I really have no other term for it. Yes I'm calling it a trend. All I can think of is that sign about the sticky floors. All I can think of is chaos, mess, and the crutch we can turn it into and let us defeat us.

It has sunk me down because what's the point in picking up after the girls if they make a mess again? What's the point in the joy of cleaning or a pretty home? Can I please just have my pretty house? I'm a momma now, I'm not supposed to have time to clean or get caught up on housework. It's not going to happen, accept it. My heart simply can't take it. I want to take pride in my home. I like to decorate, and it's alright I spend the time I do on that. I enjoy it. It's possible to spend time with my girls and clean. No one is neglected. In fact, when I haven't put forth effort it's not been pretty.

I get it. Let's extend the grace and acceptance, sincerely and fully to the seasons we need it. However, let's encourage each other that it's really quite attractive to have a clean home. A warm, welcoming place that it's ok that there aren't sticky floors because honestly the thought of that gives me anxiety. I'm just not a sticky floor mom, at least not for very long. There might be clutter though. I want to try though. I don't want to accept defeat.

I've always had joy in my house when it feels welcoming. I've really felt good when someone has commented it's clean or smells good. These are just some little quirks I have and I want to work at getting the girl back who isn't scared to be just a housewife anymore. It really burns my biscuits that there's this stereotype surrounding women who really do like to be a homemaker. Cause I do. I genuinely love it. I don't want to be anywhere else most of the time!

I remember the moments when women were celebrated because they had a clean, welcoming home and personality and I wanted to be that kind of woman! I feel like we don't celebrate that kind of woman often anymore. I'm not sure if I'm broken, but I miss it being a high regard to be that woman or that it's an amazing priority to want to learn those habits. Or to exhibit them.

Let's face it, we feel welcomed if someone took the time and effort to prepare for us. I'm not saying scrub everything down unless that's your thing. I'm definitely not saying it will always be clean how you want it and just fabulous. Sometimes it'll be messy and need work. It's not always going to be lemon fresh over here but with the power of Pine Sol, and elbow grease we'll do just fine. Toby has been so incredibly good at reminding me about this and I just try again. I am saying that for me at least, I'm not accepting this stigma anymore. I'm banishing it.

And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

My Fruits

I've been thinking about my fruits the past month. What do people see in my life and in me? What does my family see? Lord, where is there room for learning and improvements? Recently I've decided to make some changes in my thinking. I want to be a positive person. I dont want to dwell on what's wrong, but what I'm grateful for instead.

I'm married to an optimist who challenges me and calls me out when I'm negative. Lately, it's been a lot. My husband, my rock, who helps me even if it's tough. I don't want to be that girl any more. There's a lot that I've prayed about this past week. Lord, teach me how to be more positive! Lord, what's my heart reason for this desire? Father, am I honoring you in my actions, my words, and my priorities?

I can tell y'all, those who are still reading, there have been a LOT of days where my heart and head hasn't been in the right place. Especially when it comes to having a grateful heart over location. It's ok to be homesick. It's not ok to dwell. We are here for a reason. This city has beauty. My house is my home. My attitude is my choice.

Am I focusing on the tasks that need to be priority in my home? No, I haven't lately. I've only done ok, enough to get by, and I've ended up overwhelmed by the amount of clutter. I'm not a sparkling clean kind of girl but I love a tidy good smelling house! I take pride in my home, and that's ok. It's who I am, and I can manage my time better and not become a stress monster when I stumble. It's ok that there's change, even if it means I need putty and paint.

Am I a good friend? Have a stepped out of my comfort zone? I love to be a hostess, but fear has kept me back in the last year. That fear is not Godly. I've had extreme conviction in my heart about opening up my home more often and I've ignored it many times. That's just lame. I'm going to worry less about rejection. I'm going to take advantage of opportunity!

Have I been the best momma I can be? Have I had patience? Have I been a good role model? I can honestly say I haven't been the kind of momma I want to be lately. I do not want to teach my girls stress and negativity. I want them to learn how to handle sticky situations with abundant grace. I'm about to get 50s housewife on y'all but I want them to know how to take care of a house, family, and themselves.

Do I speak life and show the love of Jesus to others? Am I staying accountable to the higher standards I believe that are right for me? So grateful for sufficient grace. Cause I know I can work on myself. There is room for improvement, with a teachable heart!

So me bravely, I'm starting a journey to really work on my heart.

My thorns

In this quest for getting more comfortable in our home, aka me feeling happier here I've decided to take on some landscaping projects. My recent has been simply repotting bouganvillia into larger pots and moving the flowers that needed a new home to hanging baskets so come football season and fall I can have purple and gold flowers! Cause ya know, Geaux Tigers!!

 Flowers and gardening have always been something I enjoy but it's so different here in San Antonio. It's dry. We have droughts. It stinks. I grew up rejoicing in storms and wearing rain boots, but here my boots are made out of leather and are good for dancing! It takes extra work like watering more often, and figuring out the best place for what plant, and we have to have low water, full sun things or the plant usually dies. I learned this the hard way a few times.

I've been so homesick lately. This last weekend Toby drove us out to New Braunfuels, because he knew it'd make my heart happy to see a river and moss!  He puts up with me when I'm sad. My husband is such a gift to me and the girls too! Traffic was horrible and he drove in that mess for me, and on the way back with a toddler throwing a hissy fit, to make me smile. He had a good attitude about it when he could have been frustrated. I could have been less stressed out that he was going to a lot of trouble for me.

Bouganvillia has thorns, but vibrant pink flowers. I have thorns too. My attitude can make or break our day around here. I can choose life speaking words or I can pierce with my tongue and actions. The hearts of my sweet darlings, and my husband too, need to be built up and it's my purpose to ensure that I do just that. I can choose joy, and speak it. There are days it's hard to put my goals and self second or third, sometimes forth, but it's more than just me now. I feel like I fail sometimes but the Lord gives me grace and an abundant amount of it. That grace and my family are my pink flowers.