Love Where You Live

This is my Tea and Testimony devotional from this mops.

This month’s cover of Southern Living magazine states to LOVE WHERE YOU LIVE. Loving where I live has been a constant battle of contentment for me. It’s a heart issue that I have really had to lean on the Lord, my husband, and my family and friends to get me to the point I am today. Still broken, but mending.

I’m from a small city in Louisiana, Bossier City, not born there but definitely raised there. When I left Bossier for college in Natchitoches I was terrified and almost stayed home with my momma to go to school across the river in Shreveport. I adored Natchitoches and I fell in love with my husband there. We got married after our sophomore year, and Natchitoches was home for 2 more years. To understand my heart, I have to mention, these small towns are full of community. People know their neighbors. People say hi to you and ask how you’re doing when you walk by them at Kroger. We pull over for funeral processions and strangers hold doors open for each other. It’s a slower pace of life in North Louisiana, not perfect but very few frustrations come to my mind.

My husband was recruited out of college to work for USAA and I remember the day we loaded the uhaul, drove up to Shreveport, and made one more stop at my mommas. It was an adventure then. I was overwhelmed with excitement and I was a good girl and didn’t cry much. The first few months here were new and fun. I loved how little humidity there was during the summer and that mosquitoes didn’t eat me up. So much to do, and see, and experience. We knew a few people from college but soon the culture shock hit, and I missed my friends and family immensely. During this time, the baby that I wanted so badly to start our little family came along. Isla was born, and I was desperate for mommy friends. No church. No mops. No family. My mom 8 hours away. I felt alone, and isolated, but I had no idea how to make friends who had small babies or children. We moved into our house when Isla was about 8 months old and my sister in law suggested mops to help with my loneliness.

My first year of mops I can tell you I didn’t put effort into making deeper friendships. I would go to meetings and the occasional play date or moms night out. I didn’t try though, which was a big mistake. Y’all. You have to try. I was having health issues, and I didn’t think I was good enough to make those deeper connections aside from sitting at a table next to someone. I made a few friends, but I didn’t want to let anyone in so I stayed detached. That was a hard year for us. I decided I needed more to be a better wife and mother so I got the idea to join steering team. I needed something!! I remember thinking I have to make friends this way. Things will click and I will have coffee play dates and girl talk and I will finally fit in this huge loud city. Plus I have always loved having something to do, and serving others. I wanted to help other women. I found out I was pregnant with Lily, and she was literally a pain in my bottom during pregnancy. I had sciatica with her and soon it became hard to run errands, and eventually hard to function. I was hurting physically and emotionally but I was too prideful to ask for help. I was scared it would make me look weak and I would really miss out on friendships then.

By the time I had Lily, I decided steering team was too much for me. I felt like nothing was going the way I had planned. I didn’t realize at the time I was delusional with expectations that only I had placed on myself. When women in this organization, this family of women, ask if you want or need help, take it. We mean it and we want to help you. It’s taken me 3 years to learn. I was ashamed of myself for quitting, so I isolated and only attended meetings when I wanted to do it. I missed my mom, and friends and Louisiana. I missed that quiet calm town in Natchitoches where I could go to the riverbank. I was hungry for the culture of my home state, and this city was just too dirty, too loud, and too mean. None of my potted plants would live here more than 2 months and everything is just too brown. I started over spending because shopping made me happy for a little while. Not long, but just long enough to forget how lonely I felt for a little bit longer. I didn’t fit here, and I wasn’t going to try anymore. My husband kept encouraging but I had decided I was going to finish out mops because I paid for it but not come back again. I was angry.

One meeting my table got placed with another table, and Heather H. asked me how things were going, so I lied to her and gave some sweet answer that I don’t remember. What I do recall is that she happily told me she was glad I was getting something out of mops. She meant what she said, and it planted this seed of conviction in my heart. What I was getting out of mops. Me. It was all about me. Forget wanting to help others, I had become selfish and very bitter. I started praying, hard, about what to do. The few friends I had wanted me to come back. My husband told me that my contentment was my choice. I could put effort into being happy, but I had to make the decision and stick with it.

I made the decision that I didn’t want to be so selfish, and that I didn’t want other moms to be lonely so I asked to be a discussion group leader where I could plan play dates and mom’s night outs and really get to know my group once the new year started. Over the summer, without mops events and after a trip to Louisiana for a week, I broke. I was miserable. It hurt to be back here in San Antonio. I’m like a broken record at this point, but this was the extreme low. I cried to my husband asking can we please just move back to Louisiana. I will go to New Orleans, Baton Rouge, and I will even take Dallas. Just get me closer. It will solve every problem I have ever had and I will be so happy. Life will be perfect.

My husband could have given in to this sobbing, delusional woman but instead he counted the blessings we have been given here and the continuous blessing his job here is to us. Moving back was not going to fix everything. He wanted me to put more effort into making friends by inviting women and their little ones over, and by asking friends to spend time with me so I could really get to know their heart. I started praying for deeper friendships and to be content, and to be joyful here in this moment no matter where I am or the season of life.

The Lord answered with a table full of women who want that same kind of friendship, and who show up and are willing to participate. My husband has been nothing but supportive and wanting me to go have fun and reach out to others. Friendships this year have gone deeper and exceeded any prayer I cried out. I hope that if you are on the fence about coming to mops next year you decide to sign up again because friendships take time and a lot of effort because I really want to get to know you.

  I still have a hard time staying content, there are days that I think someone is going to run over me with a buggy at heb or our neighbors are so loud. I have to remind myself and be encouraged to dig my heels in here in South Texas. I have opened up to my husband about so much that it has brought us closer. I’ve learned that my happiness is my choice. I’m a determined person and I choose joy. I want to flourish and thrive here so I’m going to do just that and I want to flourish with all y’all!