Paper Towel Dad

My husband helps. One night several weeks ago or maybe only a few my husband was loading our dishwasher while I talked to him about how bothered I was that I felt like women were martyring motherhood. While being a mom is incredibly difficult, the hours are crazy, the tasks are sometimes quite gross, and breaks are often even spent multitasking. Society has had a way of trying to empower women to feel entitled but yet at the same time we're gulited into thinking we can't take a break because strong women don't. Or if we take a break our houses and all our hard work will enter into a land of utter chaos with dad in charge. We have to do it all.

There's a paper towel or cleaner commercial that really just bothers me. Yet again mom went to go do whatever and dad let all manner of crazy happen. Crayon walls, splatters of food, gum, chaos and the commercial implies that the male species is just absolutely helpless and is a bit of a doofus. So for me I think well mom took a break, and things went nuts. Compared to what happens when I leave the girls with their daddy for a few hours the commercial is an extreme exaggeration and an extreme annoyance. Is it really ok to portray dads and husbands as though they're not capable of responsibility and respect? I personally don't think it is, yet it continues to pop up on my tv and my Facebook feed, and I'm left feeling more disgusted with advertisers than the commercial itself. Don't get me wrong it's ok to joke, but the serious dirty laundry should be in the washing machine.

I've talked to friends, and I've done an informal survey on Facebook (thanks to my partipants) that women get help. Our husbands are incredibly competent, some of them finding time after long deployments to help, doing dishes, watching kids, taking out trash, and doing yard work even though some of us ladies stay at home. I never knew how hard it was to stay at home with 2 little girls and try to get clothes folded and put away. It's hard sometimes to listen to crying in the raw hours of the early morning when sleep is all I want. I can't even imagine what it's like to work at a full time job outside of my little world here because I'm home full time and I still get behind. I've always thought surely those ladies are super women sacrificing their weekends and nights to clean, but at least their house doesn't get dirty during the day. I've thought before that I don't get why they complain when they must come home to a clean house every day. That's wrong of me. Those houses get messy too. It's ok if we're put together, it's ok if we're behind, it has to be because it is and it just happens. Any help around here is like gold and I like where I am.

Those that didn't get the same types of help, didn't have an issue with it! It's just an everyday part of their lives. It's ok to have a different dynamic where husbands don't do dishes, laundry, or pick up stuff. Living in San Antonio has given me a crash course in other culture, and it hasn't always been easy for me to understand. Our lives are not all the same, some of us who have had to learn to accept the help, while others have no desire for their husband who has been overseas, who fight fires, who protect, or who drill to do something other than spending time together. We all need breaks. It's unfair to assume everything should be fair all the time, and that what works here at our house will work at yours. It's a trap I've caught myself in before thinking if she can I can, but I can't always. I don't have to do some of the things others have to because I have help. He's honestly better at loading the dishwasher than I am but he burns my kale. It's give and take.

There was a world's toughest job video that meant to elicit mommy love because it's so hard to do what she does. It's hard, but it angered me to think that something I feel so blessed with is so agitating to others. I've had my moments, remember I promise realness, where I've felt used up, tired, discouraged, and overwhelmed. It happens. It still does. It's ok. I got angry though at that video. It hit a nerve. I'm not being shot at or trying to lift a burning beam from someone, or watching someone's son die because he didn't wear a seatbelt. I deal with diapers, the clingy, the waking at 3 am, and the burdens that aren't so heavy that come with being a momma. I feel empowered with the thickness of love when I go check on my girls at night and I don't remember what was hard about the day in those moments.

Experience leads us to learn about ourselves. Most of my life I've been around military families and I consider it a blessing though bittersweet when they get orders elsewhere. I have never once heard any of my mommy friends who are military spouses complain about what they have to take care of, it's just done. They just get it done, and it's not a question of resentment but it's life. I hope that wording comes across the correct way. It has enlightened me to what isn't that hard in my life but rather me having a bad attitude.

There have been days where I've wanted more help, but I didn't ask. I didn't ask until I exploded with frustration that I had too much to do but too many other things I could barely handle. I've been tired, entertained the wrong priorities, and been humbled to ask for help. I'm still learning how to ask for help if I need more. Plus it's incredibly attractive to watch my husband take a nosy toddler and a crying baby out of the room to play with them so I don't burn supper.